I realize the New Year is almost a full month in now and I never did one of those posts looking back on 2010 or a post on how I'm looking forward to 2011.
For the last few years, it's been hard to get excited for January and for the New Year because it's another year we've been trying to have a baby. There is no happy excitement about what might happen this year because I can't even imagine this year being much different from the last two. Instead of being excited for the future, I'm wondering what new setback we'll have next. (Have I mentioned that I'm convinced my ute healed funky and we won't be able to try for a pregnancy again?)
We first started trying in Jan of 2008. I remember in Feb or March not understanding why it hadn't happened yet. We'd waited so that we'd be in a good place if it did. I'd started charting as soon as I went off the pill. We were ready - so where was the darn baby already?!?!
And now it's been 3 flipping years. Next month will be 2 years from our first visit with the RE. March will be 2 years from our first dx. In almost 2 years time, we've done 2 IVFs, DH has had 2 surgeries, and I've had one. There has been no baby. There has not even been a chance at a baby unless you count those 10 embryos that should have made a baby but weren't strong enough to even make it into my uterus.
How did we get to this point? How has it been 2 years and we're ultimately in the same place we were to start with? Why can't we just get this sh$t over with, so we can know what will or won't work and move on?
While I'm at it - why won't that stupid adoption agency be more supportive of pursuing adoption and IF treatments at the same time? I hate that we can't do both and just see what works first.
{eight year well child}
8 years ago
