If only everyday could be a Saturday

Or if it could be a Sunday like yesterday! Generally, I'm not a big fan of Sunday because I'm thinking too much about what needs to get done before the week starts or dreading what's to come on Monday. Yesterday was a great exception to that.

We started the day out with a nice jog (jog may be a bit optimistic... maybe I should say walk) and then went downtown to the Arts Festival. We walked around for a bit and then had a couple beers (and a little buzz) by one of the music stages. We even got to take a little nap once we got home.

To top it all off we had a nice (albeit very short) talk about what we're going to do. It pretty much started because there are days when I still insist on talking about what it will be like when I'm pregnant or what we'll buy/do when we have a baby. DH mentioned that we don't know if that will ever happen and that he was warming to the idea of adoption. That gave me the chance to get some things off my chest and express some of my reservations about using a donor (ie - the day he said "but then we don't have to tell anyone" - I'm not going to avoid adoption just so that we can keep our infertility a secret) . He actually said we probably would tell friends - that kind of shocked me. I'm still not quite sure how our families would handle it and I worry that it's selfish to want to experience pregnancy that much.

He also mentioned embryo adoption again. A couple months ago this was one of my top options, but the way embryos can be treated as children bothers me a bit. I totally understand why couples donating their embryos would want some control over their potential family, and any embryo DH and I might be lucky enough to create would be a little potential baby to me. I just wonder about what direction this will take. Could this trend lead to new arguments against the right to choose? What could it mean for fertility treatments? If embryos are considered children, I'm afraid there might be limits placed on the number of eggs that could be fertilized during an IVF cycle or restrictions placed on FETs, DE, DS, etc...

Hmmmm.... I seem to have gotten a bit off topic.


Anyway, it was a nice day :-)

I can't believe it's been a whole month since I updated my blog! I can't say there has been anything new. I've been really busy at work and trying to reduce my internet time at home. The hope was that I'd think less about IF, if I could focus on other things. ... It didn't work.

My goal was to not blog on bad days, but to wait until I had something really good and happy to blog about. That's not to say that there isn't any happiness in my life - because there is. It's just that IF is always in the background and I can't seem to shake it. I know there are so many things in my life I should be grateful for and I should focus on that. For some reason that last week or two I've been in a funk and haven't been able to break out of it. I don't have energy to go and do anything, but at the same time I feel like crawling out of my skin...I can't think of a better way to explain it.

Seriously, I have turned completely loony.
(confession1: I know it could be worse - but this experience has really felt like the worst thing I could survive. Even worse confession: there are days when I think this is the worst IF possible to deal with. I know it isn't true, but I still have days where I feel this way. I feel robbed of our chance to even try.)

Today was a real reminder of how much worse it could be. Friends of ours, just days away from having their first, lost a family member this morning in some kind of freak accident. At the last update they hadn't heard about the cause of the fire. I can't imagine losing a family member or trying to balance so much grief with the happiness of new life.