It's going to be a busy month!

So, I called and scheduled all my testing today. Thurs is bloodwork and u/s, next Monday is the HSG, and then another 2 weeks after that more bloodwork. Plus, I have a dentist appointment at the end of the month. Since I really don't want to explain why I'd need to leave for a couple hours Thursday morning and then leave early again Monday, I've just decided to take a vacation day on Thurs. I am so excited! I've been feeling burnt out the last couple weeks and really need a day off. Then hopefully I can come back and be focused! (I think once the HSG is done I'll be able to concentrate a bit better - I've spent a lot of work time preoccupied). Now I just have to get over my irrational fear of the male dr.

so exercise makes you feel better?

It's one of those things that I know, but I have a hard time getting it to sink in. Even when I know I'll feel better after a jog, I still come hope hoping DH won't want to go. I think it's my innate laziness ;-) But it did make me feel better today, and I pushed myself -- so I have no excuses the next time (maybe I should have thought about that before....) My original goal was to jog 1.25 miles then walk/jog on and off for the rest of the hour. Instead, I ended up pushing to jog the first half hour (2.5 miles) and then alternated. 5 miles in just over an hour, so if we actually make it to the gym 2 or 3 times a week I might not die during Dam to Dam. (I am seriously -kind of- afraid of that....last year I watched a few of the people finishing before the 5K started and saw at least 3 people pass out and even more throw up right at the finish line!)

Have I whined about how FF is on crack yet? I normally use charting for informational purposes - learned a long time ago that 'pretty' doesn't mean anything and I try not to read to much into it. It's just that it keeps moving my crosshairs and I had a temp dip today. I'm just ready to start the next cycle. I've been stressing about the HSG since our consult and want to get it overwith! This process is really starting to wear on DH and I hate that there isn't anything I can do. Maybe we'll be one of those couples that gets lucky after the HSG?!?

Ah well - off to bed and a relaxing episode of scrubs. I'll need to be well rested to make it through the rest of the week :-) I definately need a random day off this month - just have to pick a day (maybe next week?) to take it!

getting better

Well I actually got back on the treadmill this afternoon. I am glad I did, because now I know my ankle can handle it (at least for a quarter mile at a time) and I needed the outlet for my pissy feelings today. For some reason I've been feeling whiney the last couple days. Maybe it's the cold that's been hanging on for a week and a half or it could just be the weather or annoyances at work.
Either way, I feel much better after my walk/jog and I can't wait for my ankle to be 100%! Now I just need to get back up to speed for Dam to Dam....15min miles won't cut it.

Progress?

So far I've lost just over 4 pounds on WW - I'm happy about that, I just wish it was a little bit more, since I joined in Nov. lol. However, today started week 3 of being back at the gym. I've been sticking to the elliptical so I don't strain my ankle too much, but I think I'll be back on the treadmill either Tues or Thurs.

DH and I had our consult appointment with Dr this past Monday. He was very nice and I didn't get the feeling like he thought it was too early for us to be there. I'll admit I was a little afraid he was going to tell us to keep trying for a couple more months. He gave us a spiel about humans being inefficient reproducers and some other background info in a very basic and pretty humorous way. Then he outlined the testing plan and some "what if" scenarios. Pretty much what I expected - and I finally (kind of) understand the whole "quality of ovulation" thing.
He even offered to squeeze me in for an HSG the next day! (I almost wish I'd taken him up on it since I've been kind of stressing about it since then anyway).

So, DH gets to take a sample in when he's ready and at the start of my next cycle I can call for appointment for my CD 3 b/w and u/s and also schedule the HSG. Now I just have to get over my aversion to a male Dr being all up in my girly bits. I have no doubt that it's an every day occurance for him and that he'll be 100% professional --- but I still don't want to! I guess I'll deal. I knew what I was getting myself into when we decided to skip over testing with my ob/gyn and go straight to the RE.

DH is a lot less stressed out, I guess even though it helps me to talk about the worst case so I can prepare myself, he assumes the worst and was relieved when Dr C said in a lot of cases an IUI will take care of things.

And now a tip he gave us that I thought I'd pass along to the Nesties out there.... he said we could save our money on PreSeed and just use Canola oil. Can't remember the scientific reason behind it (other than that it is sperm friendly) because it caught me off guard. Some of me still wonders if he was just messing with us - like some sort of social experiment to see how gullible people are and if they'll listen to Drs without question. LOL.

I guess now we just wait and see if cycle 15 was a bust or not (still hoping we can bypass all the testing with a BFP!)

Don't Drink the Water!

That's been the phrase of the year so far at work. On Tues there were 4 (yes, you read that right 4) pregnancy announcements at work. Talk about a real kick in the groin. They were spread out a little bit. 2 were within 10 min of each other (followed by a text message containing ultrasound pictures from a friend) and the other 2 were a couple hours later. Luckily, I didn't hear the last 2 in person and one of them is still in the closet. We don't know who it is, just that there are 5 pregnancies...so far anyway (there are a few people who could still announce this week...)

It seems that one of the women is pregnant through IVF - I'm keeping my ears open to see if I can catch her talking about it. Then maybe I wouldn't feel like too big of a freak if I pick her brain about it. Part of me thinks it is too soon to start worrying about IVF or adoption, but the cost makes me think that I should at start doing research just in case.

The pregnancy announcements were a little hard to take, but I think I did ok. There was only about 30 sec of tears in the bathroom before I went to my meeting and smiled. I suppose I haven't asked as many questions as I would if we hadn't been trying. A good thing did come out of it I guess. DH finally convinced me to call and make an appointment with an RE. The appointment is the second week in Feb. They could have gotten us in this next week, but I really want to see how this cycle pans out. It is the ultimate test of all the "relax" or "take a vacation" myths out there. Becuase, as it turns out, I am scheduled to ovulate while we are in Vegas! That would be a spectacular souvenire. So the appointment is schedule for the week after cycle 15 should be starting (hopefully it won't!).

Ready to rock 2009!

I guess I must have gotten out pretty much everything I was holding back in my last blog (I can't believe how long it got!). Just figured I should write a blog to ring in the new year.

I am not making any official resolutions this year, but I do have a few goals...

1) I'd like to get my money out of WW -- so I want to routinely track my points and make good food decisions so that I can be healthy when we conceive.

2) I want to get back into running. I want to run a 20K in May (I said that last year....) and I want to be at a point where I can still exercise when I am pregnant.

3) Spend less time on the internet (and therefore, more time with DH). This means less time with my fellow Nesties. It is such a supportive community and I love getting updates on the girls that I feel I "know", but I think I need a little distance from TTC so I don't think about it as much. Maybe this won't be as hard as I think it will be, since I've been kind of distancing my self from GP lately and had to go cold-turkey the week we were at the in-laws.

4) Be a better friend. I've gotten very wrapped up in TTC and I feel like I've withdrawn a bit - especially from pregnant friends or those with new babies. I really want to be in a place where I can regularly check up on them without having to temper any saddness or dissapointment about myself.

5) Read more.

So that's it -- Many wishes for the New Year!

That didn't last long!

Wow, it's been quite awhile since I've blogged - perhaps because I've been a lazy piece of crap? ;-)
In my defense I would like to say that I sprained my ankle and that's forced me to be inactive for the last month. I'm looking forward to being able to start jogging again in a few weeks!
In Oct I ran my first half marathon! I am pretty excited by my results - I finished!! :-D my time was 2hr 50 min, and I'm ok with that (I wonder what kind of time I can get next year if I train really hard).

I've been wondering if I should blog a little more, just to get my feelings out. There are a few blogs that I follow and I am amazed by the strength and comfort I get from reading the posts. It helps me to feel less alone, since there are few people I can talk about TTC with IRL (not that the internet or this blog are completely anonymous! yikes).

At the end of Nov. we found out that some friends are expecting, they are great parents and I am excited to see them with this new addition to the family (with the crappy sorry for myself feeling). Can't say I handled the news well.. we were at a party and I said to myself ' hey - we don't have any of these crazy responsibilities...may as well drink it up'. And I did. And the next day was pretty darn sh***y!

A couple weeks later we found out that another set of friends were expecting - this is an 'oops' for them. Handled this pretty well, but mostly just because it hurt DH pretty badly and I felt like this time I needed to be there to support him. It is an unsettling change in roles, because I hate to see him hurting. Of course the fact that my LP decided to jump from the normal 12/13 days to 16 didn't help. Talk about getting our hopes up!

I've felt disappointed that we haven't had luck yet and I've felt sad that it isn't us. Guilty because I've felt all of these feelings when there are people who have been trying even longer or with dx that give them little chance of conceiving on their own. But this last announcement was the first time that I felt ANGRY! That was hard because it was accompanied by the guilt. But I was angry because even though they wanted to have children 'someday' - they didn't want them now- especially before their wedding. I guess they had a feeling we'd been trying and said she felt guilty that it happened so easily for them. Hmmmm - there's the guilt again. She said she cried for a couple days when she found out because she wasn't ready and this wasn't the time.

Why is it so easy for some? This was a time I didn't cry. Couldn't because I wanted to be the calm one. There were a couple tears when she asked when we were going to have kids. She thought it seemed like we would be good parents - that we were good with kids and liked them. That it would be nice for her to have someone to go through pregnancy with. Then I cried. Because she is going to have what I want. Because I feel that I can't be the kind of friend I want to be in this situation.

Next month we'll have been trying for a year and we'll have to make the decision about what we want to do. DH wants to find out if there is something wrong, and so do I - but I don't want to make the call because I'm afraid of what we'll find out. My Ob/gyn is of the opinion that since I am young and healthy and have a regular cycle we should be good to go - with time, if we're patient. She said I could call in Jan for testing if I wasn't pregnant yet. Six lousy weeks difference. I was a little annoyed after that appointment.

But since then the fear has set in, so I think we'll wait until Feb. My mom keeps telling me about the relax method *rolls eyes*, but we are going on vacation when I should be Oing, so maybe just maybe we can have a vacation baby. If not I'll call the RE.