Debbie Downer

FYI - i'm in Debbie Downer mode... but I figure since this is my blog, I can be -- and I'm not sure this will even make sense and I honestly am not sure I'll go back over it and try. This has been the longest week I've ever experienced. I keep hearing what the Dr said, but I know what the words mean, and that they're true - I just can't make it fit with my life. I keep thinking that there has to be a mistake, but I'm sure he wouldn't have told us if there was a chance of that.

I most hate that I don't know what to prepare us for until we get more information. I can think of what it means if we don't pursue treatment, but it kills me to think of getting the same outcome if we are to spend all our money and the emotional toll of trying to find out if there is anything we can do. We will... we at least need to know there's a chance ( because as far as we know there still is one). I hate the waiting....I understand we need the time to process, but I guess I just need to know if we can there is something we can do or if we need to move on and save our money to put towards other options.

It's weird because I feel like I'm being over dramatic to vocalize it - even if it is true with the information we have now. Next week will be the first time in over a year where the 2ww really won't mean anything, I won't even know when it starts because I've stopped temping. If I start my next cycle late, or am tired, or dizzy, or thirsty or experience any number of other symptoms I will know they're in my head. There is no reason to wonder until we can talk to the specialist and hear back from them. We can hope in the long term, but not in the short term. We've been waiting for the referral from Dr , and it feels like we should have heard something by now, but I guess we have to remember it was only 4 business days even though it's felt like months.

The hardest part of all is that I don't know what DH is feeling - we've only been able to talk about it a little bit, because he doesn't want to discuss it until we know what we're dealing with. As far as we've really gotten is that it's not fair, it's no one's fault, it's not fair, we'll make it through it, and we're at least going to pursue an actual diagnosis - after that I guess we can reevaluate.